Our forever….

My dear

Still I write you letters and I do not know if you will ever read them. The most stupid thing that I could do. Of course you will never read. Just I am writing to say that from the day you left me my life became a sorrow. It is not important how hard I try, I never can ease this pain deep in my chest. I even can not hear my heart beatings any longer. I only hear some dull tunes out of my chest.  I am like consumed at all. Even any movement requires great effort. I only set near my window and I look…. But I do not  see. Since the day you left I cried to much that now I even do not have energy to think. My brain is not capable to analyze  and reverberate what my eyes see.  Sometimes some bubbles reach my ears.  They are like a gush of a river  in my head. Only in those moment I find the slightest hope that may be I am not alone in my world. But they become silent abruptly.  And the tedium covers me again. And I am alone again. I know that my word will sound like trivial drama, but it is all what is going on around me and it is nothing at all.

Left by you! What for am I pushed? What was my sin? I try hard but I do not find any way for purgatory.

People live each particular day, they work hard and they sleep at nights. I spend my day waiting for the night to come, as my dream is the only place where we can meet. People live, works, do lots of things during their entire life. And one day they die as their mission is completed in this world.  I just waste my life in order to get to the end of my mission as soon as possible. I know that if you read this you will be very angry with me. But understand me at last, I can not live in a world where you do not exist.

Sometimes I turn my head back and I call your name. Only in a few seconds later I realize that you will never answer me. And I sit alone in our house: now on empty, dark and cold. Thought it has been more than a year since your death, but I still have not learnt to live without you, I can not get used to missing you.

You were the only thing that I needed. And why, among  million of people living on this Earth,  should I love the one whom I was destined to lose. I do not beg you back, I know it is just impossible. The only thing that I ask you is to give me enough strength to live in order to realize all your dreams as I have forgotten about mine so long ago.  Only after it I will join you in the heaven where you are now as you are my angle. I feel that you protect me every day. So give me the last thing that I ask you. Please show me a way how to live again.

Our forever only begins.

Love you more than ever.

P.S. See you this night.


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